waiting for elma the boston terrier

dreams vs reality April 29, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 7:52 pm

since “my dream of elma, the boston terrier” turned into “my reality of sienna, the toller”, i’ve decided to stop writing posts on this blog.

i’d like to invite you to follow sienna and me on our new blogs:

sienna speaks

and / or

sienna skriver

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do all people waiting to adopt fuss this much over their baby-to-be? April 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 8:29 am

today is the day…
in about three hours i will meet sienna, her mother, siblings and breeder.

*NERVOUS*
but also very, VERY excited!

i’ve packed the small gift bag i’m bringing for sienna:

babytechfilt

it’s a small (about 17″ by 17″) fleece blanket – just the right size for sienna to drag around!
it’s made by a swedish company called babytech, and it’s beautiful!
i couldn’t find a picture of a grey blanket (which is what i bought for sienna), so you’ll just have to pretend the above picture is of sienna’s blanket, okay?
*lol*

and while you’re excersising your imagination:

plyschboll

this is *sort of* what the plush ball i bought for sienna the other day looks like, although *her* ball is all pastel colors.

well, i’d better get ready now, because in an hour or so, lotta will come pick me up, and then we’re off to see the fox-red beauty – wish me luck!

 

puppy mania April 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 3:38 am

well…

the past couple of days have been full of dreaming of and planning for sienna…

i went into town to buy a small blanket to bring to her, so she could keep it with her at her mom’s, and bring it with her when she comes home in mid-may, and it would have the scent of her mother and her siblings on it, so the new world will seem less scary.
i didn’t find any nice blankets, though, so i settled for a small pastel-colored plush ball – it will also “soak up” the scent from familiar surroundings.

i wrote to her breeder, telling her how much i’m looking forward to meeting them all, and how extremely happy and proud i am that i’ve been chosen as sienna’s new mom.
she wrote back, saying that sienna is the darling of the litter as far as she and her husband are concerned (sienna is the puppy who looks the most like her mother, so that’s hardly surprising *lol*), and that she seems like a rather calm and self-secure puppy – she was the one of the puppies who, when they brought the puppies outside of the puppy room one by one to “test” their personalities, was the most curious and “brave”.
“sienna is definitely the puppy *i* would choose if i was taking one of the girl puppies”, sienna’s breeder wrote, “so i think you’ll be getting a wonderful dog!”

i also wrote to the people owned by sienna’s father (after some detective work i found their kennel website, with a photo album with pictures of him).
they said that sienna and her siblings (whom they visited only days after i’d decided i want to be sienna’s mom) are a very nice litter, and that they hope to meet us later on!

after saturday, i will ask them if i can have some photos of sienna’s father to post on her blogs.

i’ve joined a couple of nova scotia duck tolling retriever discussion boards, and it’s VERY interesting to read about what other people owned by tollers have to say about them!

and how am i *doing* / feeling?

well, i breathe much more easily now, and i don’t wake up several times during the night with a feeling of panic.

so it’s all good.

this is ALL good.

 

tears and ceremony plans forming April 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 5:46 pm

i’m very emotional today.
memories of totte pop up in my head all the time, and there are tears…
this is probably because my heart’s decided who will be walking by my side in his pawsteps.

sienna will be coming home in time to come with lotta, me and katharina to scatter totte’s ashes at the end of may – this is *good*, because i want her to know she has an older brother at the rainbow bridge, and another reason it’s a good thing is that it will help me get some kind of closure, while knowing that life goes on.

 

preparation mode

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 3:30 pm

i just spoke to the breeder of the toller puppies.
saturday, lotta and i will be going there to meet the breeder and the puppies and their mom.

i’m hoping SO much that the little fox-red girl likes me, so i get to go home and arrange for her arrival in just a couple of weeks’ time!

i went into town today, and i bought a book about working with retrievers.
this “working dog” stuff is almost totally unchartered terrain for me, and i’m very much looking forward to learning more about this!

 

will “elma” turn out to be a “sienna” instead? April 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 6:59 am

well…
looks like my dreams of being owned by a boston terrier won’t come true.
a number of the uk breeders i contacted have gotten back to me, and told me that their puppies cost €1500, which equals approx. $2250 – quite a lot of money, considering i also have to pay for the puppy being shipped to sweden, and all *that* entails, which could very easily make the price of a boston puppy $3000.
my mom definitely won’t pay that much for a puppy, so right now it looks like i will have to give up on my bostie dream…
*CRY CRY CRY*

i also heard back from a breeder of white miniature schnauzers – the litter she was expecting this weekend turned out to be four boys and only *one* girl, and so that litter was not for me…

i get all choked up just writing about this, because i feel i’ve reached my limit when it comes to pawlessness…

next weekend, i will go and meet the nova scotia duck tolling retriever puppy.
i know i said in an earlier post that nova scotia duck tolling retrievers need to *work* several hours per day, so this would mean a TOTAL shift in my life.
but maybe, just maybe, this is *exactly* what i need…

i’ve always felt that there is an enormous amount of energy trapped inside of me – energy that is *now* channeled into *hate* and *anger* and *hopelessness*, and a bunch of other negative and destructive emotions, that only serve to drain me of energy.
without getting too personal or anything (this blog is supposed to be about *my dog*, after all), it’s like this:

there are a number of circumstances in my life that i wish so *badly* that i could change.
these cirumstances have left me (ie *i* have allowed *myself* to feel this way about them) feeling all of the negative emotions that i mentioned above.
these circumstances will never change (and i’m not just being negative and pessimistic now – you just *don’t* change the human anatomy, suffice it to say), and so hating and being angry will only get me a forehead drenched in blood, as i try to break through doors that will forever stay locked.

maybe this little fox-red furball has come into my life at this precise moment to give me a BIG hint that it’s time to let go?
to channel all that energy into something *positive*?
not so much “give up”, because *that*, too, is a negative feeling / action, but just ACCEPT.

and since dogs give back so much more than they take, i will get to experience what it’s like to actually get something *back* for all the energy i “invest”?

this puppy / dog is going to need lots and lots of exercise, and mental stimulation – something i wasn’t able to give totte during the last 2-3 years of his life, since i was absolutely *drained* of energy.

i’m not in very good *physical* shape either, and so right now going for hour-long walks in varied terrain would quite possible kill me / make me have a heart attack, but an eight-week old puppy can’t do that anyway, so my physical health would improve as she grows, and demands more and more physical activity.

the mental stimulation bit is no problem – i have all the time in the world for that kind of training, and it doesn’t require me being physically fit.

does this sound like i’m *just* trying to justify bringing the little cutie home in a month’s time?
will it mean a disaster later on in her life, when i one day have to admit to myself that i’ve let her down, and that she’s better off somewhere else – with someone who is able to be as active as she demands?

or does it sound like a HARD, but perfectly realistic plan, and that i will do right by her?

i’m so completely TORN right now…
i’m scared to death (yes, really) of what this will demand of me, but my heart whispers “she’s HERE – she’s REAL… those other dogs are just DREAMS…”, and my heart NEEDS some closure on this whole “puppygate” now, or the wound after totte might not ever heal…

this is not an easy post to write – my cheeks are completely covered in tears…

before all those negative circumstances that i mentioned earlier became factors in my life, i had faith in god (and i always used to spell that word / name with a capital g), but for the past three years i haven’t been able to pray or enter a church without having panic attacks (yes, really).
the trust just isn’t there anymore, and that is *way* worse than not believing in god.
i believe, but i don’t trust, and that is SCARY stuff: he’s *there*, possibly even *watching*, but he’s SILENT and doesn’t care.
(i know some of you who read this are thinking “if you feel like the distance between God and yourself has changed, make no mistake about *who* moved.” and other [empty] phrases, and if they help you, then it’s fine)

anyway…
last night i reached for my bible, for the first time in YEARS, and i randomly selected a page.

what i read was this:

“My son, let tears fall down over the dead, and begin to lament,
as if thou hadst suffered great harm thyself; and then cover his body according to the custom,
and neglect not his burial.

Weep bitterly, and make great moan, and use lamentation, as he is worthy, and that a day or two,
lest thou be evil spoken of: and then comfort thyself for thy heaviness.

For of heaviness cometh death, and the heaviness of the heart breaketh strength.

In affliction also sorrow remaineth: and the life of the poor is the curse of the heart.

Take no heaviness to heart: drive it away, and member the last end.

Forget it not, for there is no turning again: thou shalt not do him good, but hurt thyself.

Remember my judgment: for thine also shall be so; yesterday for me, and to day for thee.

When the dead is at rest, let his remembrance rest; and be comforted for him, when his Spirit is departed from him.”

(Ecclesiasticus 38:16-23)

actually i don’t think this is about *totte*.
i think this is about those negative circumstances i was talking about.
LET IT GO.
LIVE.

and i think i’m finally ready to try and do that now.
and “sienna” will help me.

sienna

when she’s all grown up, she will look something like *this*:

beautiful

 

the puppy desperation continues April 18, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 6:23 am

well…
the past few days have been filled with puppy desperation, i tell ya…

i’ve once again written to the breeder in finland, and if i don’t hear from her this weekend, i’ve decided to give up on her, because clearly it was not meant to be.

thanks to my friends over att http://woofboard.com – a discussion board dedicated to boston terriers – i have found some uk boston breeders, and one of the members even told me her boston terrier will have puppies in about a months’ time, and would i be interested in one of them?
YES, i would!
that particular boston-owned member lives in france, and so i checked the website for “the swedish board of agriculture, department for animal production and health” (no, i didn’t know that that’s what it was called in english *lol* – i had to check the pdf file for one of the forms i would have to fill out if i were to import a puppy) to make sure that france is a rabies-free country.
*sighing*
turns out that there was a case in november last year where a dog had been found having rabies.
that dog had been brought into france from spain, which is a country that is *not* rabies-free.
and so because of *one* person’s stupidity, france is no longer considered rabies-free, and no french puppies under the age of 12 weeks are allowed to be brought to sweden, and this will be the case at least until may or june of this year, possibly longer.

so, if i want one of the puppies from france, she will not be able to come to sweden before she’s at least 6 months old, since she needs to have rabies shots which can be given no earlier than when the puppy is 12 weeks old, and then we have to wait *another 12 weeks (at least), to see if the puppy has developped anti-bodies for rabies.
if she *has*, she can come to sweden.

(yes, i know – i’m an infomaniac – i “LOVE” to find out and know things! *rofl*)

—-

more about my puppy desperation:

i’ve emailed a couple of uk boston terrier breeders that i found email addresses to on the ‘net.

i’ve also emailed a couple of breeders of danish/swedish farmdog, but NOBODY has (girl)puppies for sale at the moment.
i am however talking to a breeder in the southern part of sweden, and his danish/swedish farmdog will be mated once she comes into heat, and there will hopefully be puppies later this summer/fall.

*and* i’m considering adding another breed to the puppy madness race:

*drum roll*

TAAA-DAAA!

miniature schnauzer.

yes, after careful consideration and a lot of research, i’ve decided i would definitely be able to live with myself if i was owned by a miniature schnauzer girl.
they come in four colors: salt & pepper, black & silver, black, and (although only recognized in *some* countries – sweden being one of them) white.
here’s a web page where all four colors are shown: miniature schnauzers come in different flavors

i’ve always said that if i were to buy a dog of this breed, it would be a white one, and so now i’ve found a breeder who’s expecting “whities” any day now…
hopefully it’s a litter of several girl puppies, since a couple of them are already spoken for.

i’ve saved the puppy madness pièce de resistance for last:

*drum roll encore*

i’ve contacted a woman who has a nova scotia duck tolling retriever girl puppy…
lotta thinks i’m insane, and i probably *am*, but…

we’ll see what happens…