waiting for elma the boston terrier

emotional roller-coaster, puppy-style February 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 1:15 pm

i emailed the breeder in stockholm.
yes, the puppies are here.
yes, they’re okay.
yes, there were girl puppies in the litter – two of them, actually.
but no, none of them is elma.
see, the breeder is keeping one of them, and the other one is going to be living with the woman who owns the puppies’ dad.


she couldn’t have told me a bit sooner that there had to be at least FOURTEEN girl puppies born in the litter for me to even have a *chance* of finding elma in this litter?

*sad, angry, bitter and desillusioned*

and the breeder in finland hadn’t emailed me back, which made me think / “assume” that she was upset with my asking if her puppies cost different amounts of money depending on whether they’re show dog quality or not.
i only asked because *i* am not the one who’ll be paying for the puppy – my mom is, and so i wanted to know what i should tell my mom about the price.

after i found out that elma’s not in stockholm, i broke down and cried.
it’s kinda a very emotional day for me today, and so this news was not what i wanted…
*crooked smile*


i decided to email the puppy referral person for a different breed i’d been interested in – a scandinavian breed that i doubt very much that anyone outside of scandinavia has ever heard of.
i did this because i can’t stand the thought of having to wait several months for another boston terrier litter to be born, only to have the breeder tell me “sorry – elma’s not in *this* litter either!”.

o ye of little faith…
as soon as i sent the email to the other breed’s puppy referral, i got an email from the finnish breeder…
one of her boston girls is due to give birth to a litter in about two weeks, so MAYBE elma’ll be born in finland after all!

*hoping, hoping, HOPING*

update february 26, 2009: after having searched the net, i’m happy to inform you that the scandinavian breed i was / am considering to buy if the whole boston terrier thing falls through *is* known outside of the scandinavian countries, although it’s not yet fully recognized by the world canine organisation.

i even found a link on the american rare breed association website: danish/swedish farmdog


it still seems unreal…

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 6:50 am

three weeks ago i made the hardest decision of my life – i did something that i was sure was going to stop *my* heart beating, as well as totte’s…
i didn’t think i could live without him (still can’t), but here i am; still breathing, and my heart (although broken into a billion pieces) is still beating…

a couple of days ago i went with my best friend lotta to the local kennel club, where she and her youngest dog mimmi (totte’s litter sister’s great great grandchild) were attending an obedience class.
just so i would have something to do, i attended the class with mimmi’s mom, molly.
not that any of them needed to learn what was taught in the class, because they’re very well-mannered dogs!

it was the first time i went to the kennel club without totte, and it was very hard to watch lotta’s dogs (queenie, ellie, molly and mimmi – four generations of beardie love, energy, beauty and joy) – someone was missing…
lotta and i see each other so often that totte was “part of her pack”, so i imagine it’s hard for *her* as well, plus she has to deal with my suddenly bursting into tears every now and then, when some memory of totte surfaces…

still no word from the breeder in stockholm, so if i haven’t heard from her by the end of this week, i’ll contact her.
i’ve contacted a couple of other boston terrier breeders (one in norway), and am still waiting to hear from them.

life without a fourlegged friend SUCKS. it really SUCKS.
my daily routine is totally shot…

i wake up (i’ve become an early bird, oddly enough), get dressed, have breakfast, and then i sit down in front of the computer, where i spend all day.

what i’m doing?

i aimlessly surf the internet, play a couple of games over at pogo.com or king.com, watch old episodes of “house”, and play world of warcraft.

now that i don’t have a dog, i’m becoming more and more isolated – i haven’t been outside for two days, haven’t looked into the eyes of another person or dog…


fifteen days without totte February 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 4:30 pm

fifteen days…

last night i dreamt about totte for the first time since he crossed the rainbow bridge.
it wasn’t a sad dream – it was sort of a “greeting dream” – a dream where he let me know he’s still around, albeit in a different form…

i still miss him A LOT, and i say “good morning” and “good night” to him every day…

but my heart is on the mend, SLOWLY.

yesterday i found out that one of the boston terrier breeders i’m talking to (via email) is expecting a litter this saturday.
she said that she thinks there are four puppies waiting to be born, and i’m SO hoping they’re all girls!

the breeder is keeping a female puppy from the litter, which means that there has to be at least *two* female puppies if i’m to have a chance of being selected as one of the puppies’ new mom…
she also said that she has a lot of people who want a female puppy on “her list”…

when i first contacted her, totte was still alive, although he was ill.
now that she found out that he crossed the rainbow bridge, it may make her take my name and put it higher up on that list – at least that’s what i hope…

i’m also talking to another breeder, who’s waiting for her female boston terrier to come into heat, so they can go *ehrm* “meet” the (hopefully) future dad of puppies born in the north of sweden (the puppies due this saturday will spend their first 8 weeks in stockholm).

it feels kinda weird to be in contact with more than one breeder, but since there are only about 50-60 boston terrier puppies born in sweden each year, i feel i *have to* be on several lists…

this evening i’m going with my friend lotta into town – the puppy class she’s in charge of (lotta is a trained puppy instructor, and she’s very much involved with the local kennel club) is going for an “innercity walk”, to socialize the pups, and familiarize them with the sounds and smells of life in the city.

i’m very much looking forward to being part of the activities at the local kennel club again, and i know totte wants me to do so – he had many friends there, and we had a lot of fun going there!


not doing so good February 12, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 8:44 pm

absolutely horrible…

he’s been gone for eight days, and i can’t stop crying…
i miss him so much…
i can’t believe he’s gone…
i say “good night” to him before i go to sleep, and i say “good morning” when i wake up.

i haven’t been outside of the apartment for two days…
i have to force myself to eat…

i just want him back!
it’s so WRONG…

i just sit and stare all day.

save me, totte…


what keeps me sane-ish February 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 10:26 am

why boston terrier?
well, when i was growing up, we had a boston terrier boy, and he was such a sweet, fun and active dog, and now my mother has a boston terrier girl named signe-britt (signe for short), and she is also a very sweet, fun and active dog.

i love the mentality of bearded collies, and i would *love* to have a bearded collie girl, but the grooming is something i know i will be lousy at (totte didn’t like it very much eaither, which is why he wore his fur short for the larger part of his life), and so i have to tell myself “no” when it comes to beardies.

here’s a photo of signe as a puppy (she’s nine years old now):

signe to the far right

signe to the far right


fang q cc for de cheezpeepz!

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 9:41 am

for quite some time now, i’ve been a fan of a website called “i can has cheezburger?”.
i doubt very much that the people who started this website thought it would start to live a life of its own, and the thought that it would actually inspire the founding of a new (albeit virtual) nation – “cheezland” – with citizens called “cheezpeepz”, probably didn’t even figure in their *wildest* imagination!

when totte went over the rainbow bridge, i wrote and told my fellow citizens about it, and the next day *this* post was made in “the cheeztown cryer” (cheezland’s national newspaper):

Deh Nite Watchman haz just kumpleeted himz rowndz uv deh Cheezland. Awl wuz az it shud b; deh streetlitez casting haloz uv lite threwout deh town, deh streetz wuz deh kwiet, a small party b going on in deh lounge wif deh okkazhunal reveler making himz way home.
Az deh Nite Watchman drew neer tu deh Princess Mu Medow, he saw a small somber groop uv peepz neer dhe gate. Wen he approeched, wun uv dem came over tu him and sed, “Dere b a spechul goggie kumming tunite bai deh name uv totte, plz tu making him welkum and at eeze.”
Eric, teh Nite Watchman, replied, “Awl deh petz hoo b kumming heer b speshul. But I noez wut u meen. Not tu wurry, he will b well kared for heer.” Den, Eric turned and entered deh Medow. He walked slowly threw deh grass to deh middlol uv deh medow and sat down in deh moonlite. He kawlinged owt tu awl deh lost kittehz and dey kameded tu him, sum kame aloan adn sum kame in groopz. He pettid and snorgloled and lubbinged dem awl.
Den, he gottid up and walkinged tu deh far side uv deh medow and kawlled owt, “Totte!! Heer, boi! Heer Totte!!” A beeyooteeful collie came bownding up tu him and stood, plaising himz frunt pawz on deh nite watchman’z chest. Eric tussloled the colliez nekk and strokez himz hed. “Gud boi,” he sed. Totte dropped tu awl forez adn dehy wakkinged tugezzer. Eric tawked softlee, “U haz ben deh bestest goggie, totte. Mumrik* sed u wuz. U gabe hur moar happeeness dan u kub eber noez. u wuz hur bestest frend. Shii will awlwayz lubbing u.”
Totte yipped in agreement. “yes,” Eric sed, “I noez u lubbinged her wif awl ur hart. she wuz deh bestest frend tu u, tu. Adn she haz maded deh hardest deshizun uv her life wen she chose tu set u free tuday.” Hearing dat, totte ran across deh medow at full speed tu show himz delite, hii surkulled rownd, adn kame tearing bak, knokking Eric over in himz egg sitement at being restored tu perfect helthz. Deh tu uv dem rolled and tussloled in deh medow for a moment. Den deh tu uv dem gottid up adn walkinged intu deh woodz.”

* mumrik is my nickname in the ichc community

i cried when i read that post, but it also made me smile, because the author of the story of eric deh nite watchman did such a wonderful job of putting my thoughts and prayers and hopes for totte into words…

de cheezpeepz are a wonderful group of people, and i feel blessed to count them as my friends, and honored to be their fellow citizen.

(translation for today’s post’s caption: “thank god for the members of  “i can has cheezburger?“)


the end – the beginning… February 9, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 11:45 am

on february 4, 2009, my life ended, and began again.

my wonderful bearded collie boy totte (sannaheden’s classic touch) had to go over the rainbow bridge, two months and 11 days before his 13th birthday.

this is a poem / statement taken from the rainbow bridge web site:

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special to them; who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

totte was the most wonderful fourlegged friend one could ever have, and i miss him so much…
after i had helped him over the rainbow bridge, i “fled” to my mom’s, because i couldn’t face going back to my apartment alone…
i spent four days at my mom’s, and then i felt *somewhat* ready to go back home.

being a stray human (i e one no longer owned by a dog) is horrible.

a couple of years ago i decided that when totte was “gone”, i would let myself be owned by a boston terrier girl, and that her name was going to be elma.
elma is my maternal grandmother’s name, and she and i have always been very close.
i was born on her 50th birthday, and we share a lot of personal traits.

the name elma means “apple” in turkish, but some sources claim that it’s a short version of the name vilhelmina – the feminine form of the name vilhelm, which is a german name meaning “strong-willed warrior”.

boston terriers are fun, loving, sweet and kind dogs, but being terriers, they can also be stubborn at times.
elma – strong-willed warrior, apple of my eye; yeah – that fits…

i tried finding boston terrier puppies here in sweden, but since it’s the middle of the winter here, not a lot of swedish kennels have litters.
i sat down – wrapped in the black fleece blanket totte used to sleep on (i don’t think i’ll ever wash it again – if i close my eyes and sniff the blanket, i can feel totte close to me…) – in front of my computer, and started surfing the ‘net, looking for boston terrier breeders outside of sweden.

i found a breeder in sweden’s eastern neighbor country finland, and if all goes according to plan, i will soon go to finland to bring elma home with me…