waiting for elma the boston terrier

multiple breed disorder April 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 10:59 am

still no word from the breeder in finland – i guess this means that elma’s not there…

my desperation takes on all kinds of ridiculous forms now – i’m looking at the list of breeds that the swedish kennel club (sweden’s official canine organization) recognizes, and the more desperate i get, the higher the number of breeds i could see myself being owned by gets…
one thing i’m very clear on, though, is that i don’t want to choose a breed which demands an awful lot of grooming , or needs to be *working* 4-5 hours a day or more.
during periods when i’m feeling good, those things are not a problem, but i know myself (good and bad), and i know there will be periods when i’m just not going to be able to give a dog what it needs if daily grooming and more than a couple of hours of “work activity” per day are required for the dog to feel good about living with me.

if i *didn’t* consider those things, the list of my favorite breeds would look *very* different, because then it would include breeds such as these:

  • bearded collie (of course)
  • australian shepherd
  • pumi
  • nova scotia duck tolling retriever

i feel like a fool for (almost) not being able to wait for elma to be born, but my life needs a puppy…
my HEART needs a puppy…

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pawsome jewelry April 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 12:55 pm

today i picked up this from the post office:

pawlocket

it’s a lovely (*LOVELY*) locket which will hold a lock of totte’s fur plus a photo of him.
the back of the locket is engraved, and it looks something like this:

pawlocketback1

it’s absolutely *gorgeous*, and i will treasure it *always*…

i bought it on-line, from the wonderful people at picturesongold – check them out!

 

in which a puppy comes between us

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 7:28 am

today (april 15) would have been totte’s 13th birthday…
TEARS.

i *ALMOST* bought a danish/swedish farmdog puppy yesterday, but it was not to be, since the puppy i REALLY wanted had been sold just a few hours earlier…

easter weekend was the weekend when my mother’s live-in boyfriend (can a boyfriend be 80 years old?) aka “the blabbermouth” told my brother that *our mom* is paying for my next dog…
can i have a “POMPEJI”, people?
either *that*, or “3rd world war”…

after blabbermouth had informed my brother and his wife about this (he KNEW my mom and i were still trying to figure out a way to tell my brother about it, since we both *know* my brother feels that my mom’s spoiling me, and has been doing so forever), my brother and his wife up and left – didn’t even say goodbye or thank my mother for dinner…

on monday night, my brother called mom and told her that he wanted nothing to do with either one of us.
“give her *your house* as well!”

when i heard this, i said: “mom, you can’t ever die now, because this is going to be HELL…”

mom’s boyfriend (fiancĂ©, room mate, whatever) is a real jerk.
he’s always jealous of my brother and me, and can’t for the life of him understand how come my mother puts us *first*, above him…
so he’s always trying to come between us and make things more complicated than they need to be between my brother and me.

my brother and i are two very different people – all we have in common are our genes.
as i said earlier, my brother’s always felt like i was mom’s favorite, the golden child who’s always spoiled.

my mom said yesterday that my brother didn’t buy the argument that my mom has given and gives A LOT of money to him and his family (they have two beautiful, sweet, funny, intelligent and very cool daughters, and i love spoiling them), and that the money she’s paying for my next dog isn’t nearly equal to the sum of money she’s given to *them* over the years…

*DEEP sigh*

my brother and i have struggled to get along all our lives, and the last couple of years things have been going fairly okay, and now *this* – we SO didn’t need this…

 

easter report April 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 5:21 am

well, i’m back home after two days at my mom’s.
no panic attacks over totte this time, although i still cry when talking about him (i told my mom about how i’ve asked my friend katharina – a deacon in my church – to come with me when i scatter totte’s ashes).

signe was a clown, just as i predicted, and we had a lot of fun!
she doesn’t want to be held, and she doesn’t want to be petted *too* wildly, but she’ll come and sit right by you, and then she’ll show off her round little belly and ever so subtlely ask for belly rubs – so cute!

i’ve once again written to the breeder in finland, asking for a final decision on her part about wheather or not one of the puppies is mine.
and so now i WAIT. AGAIN.
*sighing*

 

six weeks and saturday April 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 9:53 am

the puppies in finland will be 6 weeks this sunday.
i keep looking at the photo the breeder sent me, and i keep praying and hoping.

why, oh why did i choose such a “small” breed?
the other breed (aka “plan b”) i’m interested in is also a “small” breed, with less than 100 puppies born each year.

sometimes i think i should just give up, and “settle for” a golden retriever, or something…
but no.
my heart says “boston terrier”, and no matter how painful it gets, i made a promise to myself that i would always follow my heart.

i’m going to my mom’s tomorrow (saturday), and hopefully mom’s boston signe will let me snorgle her, and maybe we could even go for a walk, just her and me…

signe’s not crazy about walks – mostly she’ll just ask to be let outside, off-leash, to go potty, and then come back inside.
i’ve tried before to take her for walks, but she just simply REFUSES to walk, and so i have to *drag* her until she realises that “resistance is futile”, and surrenders, and *then* we can go for a short walk.

i like signe. A LOT.
she’s such a character, and she knows EXACTLY how to get her way.
she’s great fun, beautiful, smart and stubborn.
just the way i like ’em.
*grinning*

 

despairation April 7, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 9:12 pm

another really rough day today.

maybe i’m not supposed to be owned by another dog?
this waiting and wondering and hoping and despairing and all this desperation is making me both physically and psychologically ill.

i’m a nervous wreck, and i’m beginning to think i can’t do this.

will i really be able to give the puppy what she needs?

will the open wound in my heart ever heal?
i hurt so much…

 

two months??? April 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — mumrik @ 1:40 am

i can’t believe it’s been two months already…
it feels like it was yesterday…
the grief is not unbearable *all* of the time, but sometimes it hits me “right out of the blue”, and then i find myself sobbing uncontrollably.
i just miss him *so* much…

i *know* that we’ll meet again, and i can’t wait (although i will try to hang on to life on this side of the rainbow bridge for as long as i can) to see him again…

i have loved. i have been loved.
these things are eternal.